PISS 2000: Bulgaria (or The Land where Spunk Cake Roams)

Bulgarian National Flag

31stMarch - 10th April 2000

Those present:

Beard-tastic mate !

From left (Wearing beards):

Simon "Turkski" Webb

Steve "Bloomski" Bloom (kneeling)

Dan "Turkski" Webb

Andy "Chuffski" Philipson

Dave "Weanski" Kestell

It all seemed so easy. Andy saw an advert for top guided caving adventures in strange lands and all we had to do was get there with our personal kit.

So, we arranged the jollies with Bulgarian Adventure Company "Odessia-in", the flights were booked and we were ready............. reassured by the soothing words of the Company Director, Kiril, we didn't bring much more than the bare SRT essentials and certainly didn't take any ropes..................if only we'd know the madness we were about to enter......

Welcome to Bulgaria: Anyone for vodka ?

At Heathrow we gathered to board our flight to Sofia, the capital city of the fine land of Bulgaria. I had found us some reasonably priced seats on Balkan Bulgarian Airlines as recommended by the Rough Guide. Needless to say we were lucky to make it there alive in that stinking aluminium pipe-with-wings, what with the chickens escaping from the hold, the pilot making a break for asylum in Germany, the offal and cheese balls they served up as so-called food and the constant smell of aviation fuel

I'd recommend Balkan Bulgarian to all my friends !!!

Met at the airport by two lanky freaks, an obvious student and a normal looking bloke (except for the iron bar he always carried). They turned out to be the Director of Odessia-in, Kiril, our top caving guide, Tzvetan, Milanski, a student of geology and Rumen, our van-man.

Acquaintances were made and we handed over 50 in 10 notes at the Bureau de Change and each got a monster pile of local wonga, apparently enough to keep us going for at least a month ! Welcome to collapsed communism !!!

Kit in the van and we were off to the plush Sofian accommodation we had been promised in the itinerary, but first we had to go and get some ropes and carbide. Eventually, after a long journey on pot-holed roads we made it to our luxury accommodation in the mountains around Sofia.......


The night before the morning after

After settling in at Hotel Kalifornski, situated in the rural hinterlands, we tucked into the local Frankie of tripe fritters and offal-on-a-stick. Kirril stung us for several thousand $'s before doing a runner back to Sofia

After our arduous fight we were creamed and thus decided to get our beer legs on. Mucho local beer was consumed, it then went pear shaped at around 0200 hrs when Mr P got the boys a round of local Votka, for local people. Bulgarians do not use the 1/6 of a gill, but dole out the loopy juice by the mug full

Large portions of near frozen voddy came out and were scuppered by Pendles finest (beards). By now all members were three sheets, but Bloomski turned out to be a voddy monster, not the mild-mannered vendor of water sodden books he pretends to be.

Luckily the bar shut, unluckily Weanski found the local bevs too much for his delicate constitution and blew chunks all over the room and tried to throw the TV out of the bedroom window. I passed out to the land of nod whilst Weaner continued to empty his insides. Christ knows what the Webb/Bloom posse got up to, I'd rather not know.


So ended our first day in Bulgaria........