PISS 2000: Bulgaria - Day Six - Bandit Country

Day started well. 2 hours of faffing followed by a quick dash into the local town for some more food and some batteries. Milanski had to be in a town 60km away by 12 noon to catch a train. We chuckled to ourselves knowing that this was completely impossible if Yoda had anything to do with it ! Poor boy !.

Had a good long smelly drive through Bulgaria's finest rolling hills to a massive cave leading through to a gully. The cave/arch was called Prohoda cave and was very impressive. Close by was the local ludville (Bulgar for madhouse), home to many of Tzvetans relatives. Yoda made a joke; he didn't think *we* were mad enough to visit ! How we laughed………………

Milanski finally got to the train station in a completely different town, a town where donkeys were spared no mercy at the hands of ugly local-types. Rumen then took us cross-country into the hinterland where we battled mad locals and madder guides to descend a muddy stream cave that improved dramatically into a gorgeous stream way and decorated higher levels.

Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the lens cap on the camera, so I imagine that the photos will reveal the cave as seen by any caver who crosses the local yokels and tells them that they'll muddy their drinking water if they want and to hell with their walnut-cracking-on-their-forehead antics.

Finally, a cave with more formations and water-worn rock than mud!


Huge-ness !

The enormous daylight cave of Prohoda
DK 2000

Look ! Stevey, look !

Stevey Bloom seems improbably small !
DK 2000

Giant fire salamander

A huge beast seen on the journey
DK 2000
Giant fire salamander

A huge beast seen on the journey
DK 2000


Another view of the Prohoda Cave
TO 2000

Local hard-men

Local Hard-men confront the Pendle!

Top Ten Steps to being a local "hard" man in Bulgaria

1). Approach any situation in a Bulgar-style Ford Cortina with no windscreen - a bill hicky motor.

2). Shout loudly at all times, despite being ˝ an inch away from your subject.

3). Shower your subject with copious quantities of fetid spittle.

4). Crack walnuts in your bare hands.

5). Eat said walnuts and ensure you add them to your spittle ejection.

6). Cover yourself in homemade tattoos.

7). Shave your head down to grade one stubble.

8). Smash a wine bottle into your head to prove how hard you are.

9). Never wear sleeves on your clothes - thus showing off your muscles and tatts to all who might give a flying fuck.

10). Depart any confrontation by doing a wheel spin in your shite car, cos we'll all be so impressed.


It was quite a shock to bump into Pearshape and see how much he had changed over the past 6 months. The smell of menthol ciggies was quite noticeable. To calm Pearshapeski, we promised not to do any good trips without him, like.

We pretended to explore a dry shitty hovel and then sneaked down the cliff to spend a few hours wallowing in the water storage tank for the hicky valley. There were some pretty bits, but we spent too much time avoiding the water. Tzvetan eventually fell in and it was all downhill from there.

Mud banks

Mud banks in the Rushovata cave
DK 2000

Pretties in the Rushovata cave
DK 2000

We emerged in the dark and managed to find Rumen, who had cunningly hidden the van. For some reason Rumen seemed keen to get a move on. We sped down the valley through Hillybillyville faster than a speeding mudslick through a water-pipe. We later saw the saw the several forest fires that Rumen had lit to act as a diversion.

We slurped red wine in the discomfort of the speeding bus. What a beast Pearshape is. Still, I expect that eating all those walnuts will help his chalfonts - all that roughage you know. He didn't seem as calm as usual either. Oh, the cave was called Rushovata cave, and we thought it was shite !