Day Three : 7th January 1999

The Saga of the Missing Cave

Went to bed at 4am - well bladdered !! Up at 10am, brewed up then back to bed. Back up at 11am. Fine weather again, so we crashed out in the Beards garden and robbed his oranges.

Todays cave was to be the Avenc del Canal de Coma Freda. Climbed into the car, ready for the high speed race to Pollensa. On route my mind turned once again to a Spanish Air Hostess, who's heavenly form had caused more than (The rest of this sentence is censored by the editor). Pulled in at Cap de Formentor for some scrambling and vertigo. A very impressive place. Spotted a couple of Feral Goats, and very sexy they looked too !!! from here it was off in search of our cave. What a load of faffing about this turned out to be. Andy finally found it late in the afternoon, so we decided to save it for the next day. Back to cragsville for more vertigo and up to the watchtower for a look at the sunset - Spectacular !!!

It was now time for a spell in a wicker chair, and long overdue by my reckoning. Pulled up at Alcudia and had a walk around the Old Town, which was well worth the effort. Nice plate of slop in the town square, then back in Tezza'a Corsa for the Mach 2 flight back to base. More food and small drinks before bed.


Talking Points - Day Three

  • All of the previous, plus....
  • Feral Goat Shit
  • Inbred local Coppers
  • Hairpin Bends
  • Tezza's exhaust and the number of dents we were putting in it
  • Des Marshall's appalling maps of places he has never been to
  • Glenn Jones' beard
  • Les's biceps
  • Feral cheetahs
  • Giant feral badgers in leather trousers

    Firm favourites

  • Pearshape. Or as he is better known now, El Guano.
  • That Air Hostess
  • Wicker Chairs
  • Dave's Tapeworm
  • Mr and Mrs Beard and their friend Johnny (Black. more black !!!)
  • Feral Goats (saw our first one today)

    What use is a Beard ????

    Ten Caving uses for beards

    1). Rigging Off, esp. Senor Elliotts.
    2). Storing emergency caving rations in.
    3). Keeping tapeworms in.
    4). Pretending to be Glenn Jones.
    5). Grinding away tight squeezes.
    6). Hiding badgers in.
    7). Complementing amazing trousers.
    8). Hiding stupid chins.
    9). Gaining entry to the Hunters Lodge.
    10). Weaving your own Feral Goats.

    And some more
    11). Filtering out the shit in a pint of Buttcombe.
    12). Talking like a cunt through.
    13). Looking like you've been around for eons.
    14). Cleaning your ropes.
    15). So you don't need to go caving.
    16). It's a good excuse to write a book about all the good trips you missed out on.
    17). To upset young, talented, upcoming cavers.

    Top Ten Beards

    10). Andy Eavis.
    9). Any Mendip Digger.
    8). "J" Rat.
    7). Any Fat Beardy Bloke in a caving bunkhouse.
    6). Neil Turton.
    5). Andy Waddington.
    4). Paul Ramsden.
    3). Les Sykes.
    2). Glenn Jones.
    1). Dave " The Beard" Elliott.

    Next Day ---->